I've kept him a ghost for so long now. I've lived my life with very little visual or verbal proof that important and loving people exist in my life. I'm not going to keep denying that my heart has always had a place for him that remains hollow and lonely. For all the wrongs I have done to hurt it is now my turn to right them. Time to dig up the broken things that I have buried to simply feel better on my own.
My friend/life coach/mechanic/temporary therapist/whatever said to me the other day "why are you so miserable?" and hesitation hit because I wanted to immediately rebuttal with "I'm not!" but I stumbled over my own words and made excuses as to why I perhaps seemed unhappy recently. Again, today he asked "do you want to change things and be happy?
After hours of sitting in a crowded Starbucks with Balance and Composure on repeat I realized well yes, of course I want to be happy. But, I have done nothing to give myself that true opportunity. I have taken on projects too large to handle on my own, jumped into temporary relationships, pushed away my best friend and in the process hurt myself and those around me. So I am stepping into my happiness shoes and starting the walk in hopes of having that true happiness. I can't be certain it's going to succeed but it's an investment I am willing to make.
Today i right one wrong of oh so many. I am sorry, you are and always will be my best friend & true north. I am not ashamed of you, embarrassed or any better than you. I am here; broken and battered with every wound and scar visable. <3