I'm 31 years old and I'm quite certain a majority of those years I have been shut down, shut off, and unwilling to see anyone else's side of anything. I have used hearts and broken them for moments of comfort. I have breezed on by a relationship or a man acting like they are nothing many times. But my life today has caught up with me. I have lost so much of me within another. I have played the "game" for too long and have lost. I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like a heartless being and so badly wish I had an easy way to fix that. What is done is done and I am where I am because of it. It's almost funny to think back to a particular conversation i had with someone where he called me an asshole and said " I am the king of assholes, you're definitely an asshole" and I almost took pride in that? He on the other hand had been trying to defeat his crown and be a more caring understanding human. Today my crown is off... the pointed rim that has hurt so many now stabs my hands as I hold it looking at it in shame. I will give. I will love. I will care far more than I have. And I will no longer carry this crown.