LOSS

LOSS

It's been 2 months and 10 days since my father died and I honestly don't think I am still quite aware that he is gone. Like, really gone. Over the years we had not talked much as I was a child and he didn't come back into my life up until a few years ago when his wife Erin died. He then, just like I have, realized how important life and the certain people in it are. Or at least thats how I think it went. I remember laying on the beach in San Diego with my new friend Keisha and my phone rang. I didn't even know the phone number just to show how often my father and I talked.. it had been years. I of course answered with “ hello this is Jessica” and to my surprise it was his voice. A rush of happiness, confusion and bewilderment hit me as he said “ hey Jessi’ in the way he always did that I hear over and over in my head. He honestly had no idea why he was really calling he just knew it was right. We chatted about why I was again in some random state, about what happened with Erin, about how he wants to be healthier and do better. I very very clearly remember that day. Keisha was running errands still as I was on the phone with him. She ran into the store to refill her water jug for the house and I just couldn't allow myself to hang up the phone first. I had missed his voice so very much. And so time passed and I moved to Tampa, started back up my business and was enjoying life to the very fullest. Less than a year from receiving his call in San Diego I then received another call from him out of the blue. This time more bad news. “hello jessi “ he said. And I could hear in his voice that there was something really upsetting him that he had to tell me. “jessi, I have something I have to tell you.” “okay..?’ I replied. And like a truck hitting me  and 10 more immediately after that he said “ I have cancer and they said I have 3-6 months to live” He said it like he was simply reading a news article; like it was just eh, no big deal. We talked.. slowly and quietly. And as we finally got off the phone and I said I love you he said “ i love you jessi” and he began to cry. That was one to the hardest days I have ever had. Second to the day I lost him. 

 

 

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